MY7THLIFE.NET

I just got my duty roster yesterday afternoon. I’m happy with what I’ve been given, but I’m so anxious to start. Every time I think about going to work, my heart beats so fast, and I have to try and think hard of something else to divert my thoughts of messing up in the studio. This is what one month of time off does to you, people. It’s not good.

I’m excited to be working again, but.. yea, read the above paragraph.

Yesterday was a Friday, and I couldn’t visit my dad. My mom and sister went, with the usual entourage. I have never felt like I was missing something in my whole life. It’s as if I depended on those Friday visits. I went with my mom and sister, but I stayed in the car, in the parking lot.

I switched on the radio, changed the channel to the recitation of the Al-Quran station, which made me feel a bit relieved, like I’m not forgetting to read surah Yassin for my dad, or neglect to sedekah to him the tahlil. I then dozed off, in the blazing heat of the sun. I’ve mentioned before that I don’t like mosquitoes or anything that stings and make me itch, so I didn’t roll down the windows. Imagine that.

Then I woke up to my mom’s sharp rap on the window.

My mom then proceeded to tell me that we need to sedekah my dad something every time we remember him, of course, unless we can’t. She gave an analogy that goes something, like, if we sedekah to him every day, it’ll be like providing him with loads of gushing water. If we forget, or become lazy, then he will be thirsty, as if he was only given one drop of water. Something like that lah ah.

Which then made me feel like I had forgotten him. But, there will be next week. I will at least read him something once a day when I am , ahem, clean. I just have to. I need to keep him happy, wherever he is.

In other news, I bought the book by Cecilia Ahern, the one titled P.S., I Love You. A little behind the times, but better late than never.

Ooh! That reminds me. You know, these days, I feel like I am a different person now. I’ve been doing some thinking as well, and by the end of these thoughts, the voice inside my head comes up with these old sayings, like, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Yea, I feel like I am a stronger person now. A lot of it has to do with the coping of my dad’s death. I do not wish it on anyone, not even my worst enemy. A death of a loved one is so, so hard. It’s like when someone else’s loved one dies, you feel for them, but there is nothing like going through it first-hand. Not that all this while I had thought coping with death to be easy, but I never knew it was going to be this hard.

You know, at times my mind drifts off in a split second, and I go back to that emergency room, looking into my dad’s eyes, willing him to look at me when he was no longer breathing. Then when my eyes start to water, I stop and get back to the present. It happens more when I am doing nothing.

Being the lazy bum that I am, it happens a lot.

Anyway, I was doing a little blog-hopping, and I found this blog. I find it.. interesting, and I’m making it one of my daily reads. Most (or even all) of what she wrote are true. I agree most on how blogging used to be fun. Blogging used to be just that: blogging.

Dear Mr. Pablo of World of Pablo,

Thank you so very much for dropping by and leaving a comment. I read the entry you posted on the 2nd November 2006. It made me cry. I haven’t cried about the loss of my father for a week and a half now, I’ve just been smiling at the thought of him — and I pray everyday so that he is resting peacefully.

I know that death happens, and I have been preparing myself for the loss of anyone close to me, giving myself tiny pep talks. I have always prayed that no one had to die when I was alive, but you know.. Anyway. When my dad passed away, it was such a shock to me. Of course, the death of my dad was a shock in itself, but I was caught off guard. It didn’t feel real. My dad? Not breathing? Not being able to disapprove of the things I do? Not alive?

Sigh.

Now I look at pictures of him back then, looking very healthy — and fat — the first thought that came to my head, was like, “Mana bapa ah?” And then two seconds later, I realized he was not there anymore. He was such a vibrant character, very funny, and he loved to laugh. He doesn’t dwell on his problems, and tried to give everything I had wanted.

Enough about me. This post was supposed to be a thank you note. Haha.

So, I’d like to thank you, for reassuring me that my late brother will be taking care of him too. What most people don’t know is that I have a brother, he died of still birth, two years and two days before I was born.

Also, thank you, for sharing your experience on handling an issue like this. It is such a painful and sad thing to go through, and all we need is someone who’s willing to be there.

I’ve seen a fair share of E! Extra Top 10s, just watched Top 10 Kissable Men, and I went, “WHAT?!”

The only men I think is kissable, is #8. Read the rest of this entry »

I was out with my mother today, getting other things settled, and picking up/sending off my sister in between. Right after my sister’s afternoon class, we had early supper of ambuyat in Batu Bersurat.

So we were sitting there, and she had a question for me.

Little sister: Kucing kakinya berapa?
Me: *thinks, just in case it’s a trick question* Empat..?
Little sister: Kalau krucing?
Me: Err, tiga?
Little sister: Salah! Emprat!

LOL! ADA KAH TIGA! PALAU KALI!

Sorry, there’s no translation to this one, it won’t be as funny. Actually, it won’t be at all.

On another note, I’ve had my eyes on flats recently. I don’t know what they’re really called, flat pumps, pumped flats? LOL. Yea, my attempt to be funny. Anyway, I was surfing for nice ones online, and I really like this:

Yes. In green.

*drools*

In my previous post, I have mentioned that I am anal when it comes to playing Monopoly, the board game. Ever since the school holidays started, I have been playing the game five times a week, with my cousins. And so far, I have either won them or made my cousins so tired, they quit. LOL.

So I lied. I don’t have a proper post. I’m putting up pictures of my cousin’s Monopoly Singapore edition. Because it has really interesting dice. LOL.

The board; it is split in half, due to an unexplainable reason.

One of these hotels is mine, but somehow I won in this round.

The dice! The original ones disappeared, and my cousin found two cubes and made them into these roll-able things.

I find my Monopoly experience very fascinating when played with a few shrieks every time someone stops on your property and demand for some money. LOL. I really love playing with my cousins, they would be devastated when I build houses and hotels.

Some would find Monopoly hideously monotonous, but for those who doesn’t, how’s your Monopoly experience like?

P.S.: I myself own a SpongeBob SquarePants edition.

Added: Condolences to Dhil and her family for the demise of her grandfather who passed away in April. Al-Fatihah.

It’s a Friday. Which means a visit with my dad in Kiulap. My uncles, aunts, cousins, mom, sister and I, were reading the surah Yassin, and the tahlil, as per usual. In the midst of the tahlil, I was thinking about my dad’s behavior when he was alive.

Wherever I went with him, be it a visit to the doctor’s, or waiting for my mom to finish discussing how her dress looks like at the tailor’s, his eyes will wander around the place and notice tiny, tiny details. How I know this is due to the fact that he always shares with me. We’d be sitting on wooden chairs, or a very hard sofa, and he’d lean towards me, speak softly and tells me things that he finds interesting.

So I sat there, so near to his resting place, and I thought.. if he were able to tell me what kinds of people who rests with him, he would. And this stupidly puts a smile to my face. In my head, he’d tell me how other people didn’t like the space, or how the famous late Professor Hj. Saedon (sp?) is such a wise man now that he’s met him. Or something. I am creating my own world in my head. Which is silly, really. But keeps him alive in my head and in my heart.

I miss him so.

All right, I’m taking Morrie Schwartz’s advice and move on, because that’s it for today.

Anyway, War posted up pictures from the lunch, and I stole two from her. Here’s one of them. Oh, don’t ask why I’ve donned the tudong again. Someone asked me that around a week ago, and I wasn’t pleased.

Oh, I hope Nonnie or one of the girls writes on the “leave-on shampoo” genius idea. Hehe.

Right-o. It’s my turn. If you’ve read her or her or her blog posts, then you might have an idea of what I’m talking about. Had a Girlytime Bloggers Lunch yesterday at Red Canopy in Batu Bersurat. Impromptu drinks at Fleur De Lys after that as well. It was fun, as there were a lot of laughs, and everyone was comfortable with each other. I don’t know about War, though, she was a bit quiet, but she told us to expect it. Hehe.

Rosie didn’t come for lunch, and it was quite fun ganging up on her. And she is quite Miss Popular, is she not?

We were all being typical bloggers, threatening other bloggers to boycott their blog so that their stats will go down. HAHA. Really, you just had to be there. Speaking of being there, the girls who came were Maurina, War, Dee, Ness, Nonnie, Atul and Rosie.

I have got pictures, but I just realized, I don’t really have many. Maurina took a lot of food, though. So head on over to Flickr for the food shots. I’m just going to post up the ones I like. Hehe.

Supposedly “ghost fingers”, but you can still see who it is. Malu ku, but I kinda like it. Haha. (Stolen off Maurina’s Flickr album.)

Reflection shot at Fleur De Lys. (Stolen off of Nonnie’s Flickr album.)

Guess who eats like this? Hint: she’s the youngest girly blogger there. Teehee.

I could’ve sworn there were more pictures. Go hound the other girls. Hehehe.

Ness proposed bowling for next time, girls? She’s got my vote. Hee.

I’m uploading loads of pictures onto my Flickr. Long overdue, if you ask me.

Am going to watch Saw 2 with the boys (cousins) in a few moments, I just have to get myself off the laptop and call out for them.

It’s raining and satellite TV is not one of the options for entertainment tonight. It might be another round of Monopoly. Fact: I am anal when it comes to playing Monopoly. LOL. Serious.

Such a random post for tonight, but that’s just how I’m feeling for such a Wednesday.

You can expect a picture post tomorrow, but.. don’t be disappointed if there isn’t.

Wasn’t I cute?! Hahaha. Dorky, more like. Taken ages ago, could be more than 12 years since today, during our annual trip to Singapore.

I’m not as busy now as before. Actually, I am quite free, but quite broke. Haha. I would love to take walks down the beach, if I was ever fond of them. Not fond of the sun, actually. Not great with the heat, me. Not great with mosquitos either. Not that I’ve encountered any on the beach ever, but since I was on a roll with what I’m not great with.. then, y’know, might as well.

It’d be really nice if Seri Kenangan beach was near. That beach is my local favourite. Or maybe the day when I went there with my girl friends was just nice. It wasn’t too hot, and the breeze was nice and cool.

I’d love to walk down that beach again.

God. Drama queen much?

To tell you the truth, I have been trying not to post about my dad, and the fact that I really miss him. I really don’t want to be mistaken for a drama queen. But I’ve got a few reassurances that it’s okay for me to still not move on, to just.. be stuck here.

I was just doing some random blog-hopping and I was skipping through Pablo’s posts, and I found out, it was father’s day yesterday. Do correct me, if I’m wrong. But anyway. This one post had a video clip of late Luther Vandross’s Dance With My Father. First time I had a listen to the song, which was eons ago, I had a good cry. The same thing happened the second, third, fourth and fifth time. The sixth time I listened to it, I remembered asking Liz to listen to it with me. My eyes watered a bit, but I didn’t cry.

Now that my dad is gone, and playing that song a few moments ago, I am crying buckets. It was as if it was yesterday that I told him to wave at the camera, because I was taking a video, excited to have a new digicam. It was as if it was yesterday when I was explaining to him how The Amazing Race worked and why I wanted Eric and Danielle to win the All-Stars installment. It was as if it was yesterday that I had graduated and he had pointed to a woman who had her camera on us taking a shot. He is quite the attention seeker. He likes to appear in the media, be it five seconds on the TV news from a Royal visit, or the newspaper. He once stood in front of a photographer, with both his hands on his hips, when my parents were in line for the first Disney On Ice ticket sales, and hey presto, he was in the paper, in solid black and white. Hahaha. I miss his antics, he’s always up to no good.

When my dad used to sleep, he used to snore. After the accident, he doesn’t anymore. Now that he’s gone, I now sleep with my mom, who, funnily enough is not a snorer, but snores these days — must be really exhausted. And guess what? I pretended the snores came from him, and it was as if he was still alive. I have good, silent cries as I try to sleep by my mom’s side. And all because of my mom’s snores. LOL.

Look at me, getting all carried away with stories of my dad.

Do expect them more these days, because after typing out all these, I feel better. Watching Miami Ink on Discovery: Travel & Living at the moment, and the guy’s talking all about embracing change. And I’ll do that. One step at a time.