Category: Thoughts
My family and I went to the Special Olympics Carnival at Stadium Negara Hassanal Bolkiah this morning, just to pass the time while, at the same time, donating!
Besides getting the recipe book, my family and I got our caricatures done! Superb work done by the artists, but mine doesn’t look like mine. It’s OK, if I tell you it’s mine, you’ll think it’s me. Hahahaha. It just looks like someone else entirely. View all three here, and hover over the thumbnails for description.
Here’s another link I want to share: Hot Guys In Flu Masks. Note: Not all are hot. Haha. :) Search for the unmasked one, he’s kinda cute. You know who else is cute? The guy who plays Gambit in X-Men Origins: Wolverine. ;)
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, especially with the recent demise of my uncle. These thoughts are making my head pound, and I’m revelling in every single distraction I could conjure or get in the middle of. Whenever I’m driving, I turn on the radio so I could mentally disapprove of song choices. LOL.
My thoughts mostly revolve around picking yourself up after losing someone to death. I have had conversations with the boyfriend about this, and I agree with him when he told me that everyone has a different way of coping, mourning, and moving on.
When I first lost my dad, I lost myself too. In the midst of keeping my head from cracking open, the vomiting, and the crying, I didn’t know what to do. I was just there. None of my cousins knew what it felt to lose a father, so no one knew what to say. We cried together. Most times, I wanted to be alone — just like how I am most of my life, whenever I’m really, really sad, I liked being alone with my thoughts. Less stressful, in my opinion.
The next phase I went through was the mental voice telling others to not talk about my dad. The voices varied from exasperation, frustration, sadness, to exhaustion. Every time people talk about him, I felt like the wound just kept on bleeding. I just wanted people to stop talking about him so I could properly heal.
When my friends came during tahlil nights, or whenever they came to visit, I talked about other things. Of course, I told them the obligatory story of how he passed, but that was it. I talked about other things after that. Distraction. It proved to be a very good thing for me.
Phase three: Happy thoughts. Believe it or not, the only times I talk about my dad whenever I’m sad, or whenever I miss him in the most horrible way, is on my blog. I only talk to people about my dad when the memories are not depressing. I don’t even talk to the boyfriend about my dad.
I don’t know if it’s healthy, but it gets me by. A friend of mine lost her mom a long time ago, and she told me that you never get over it, you just get used to it. And I agree. I guess you’re immuned to it, just like trying to sleep with a noisy air-conditioner on: it’s hard for you to sleep, but you sleep anyway because it fades into the background and you’re exhausted.
Currently, I am still in phase three.
However, when my uncle passed last week, there were too many similarities with his death and my dad’s, it felt like I was going through it all over again. Like someone slashing a knife into a healing scar, it had hurt. Horribly.
The memory of my dad’s passing felt so fresh that if it weren’t for his children and his wife who were crying harder than I was, I couldn’t tell the difference.
I don’t quite know why I’m posting this, but I guess I just need to let it out somewhere, and to anyone.
My apologies for my previous post. I needed to vent out. I was really, really angry for his insensitivity on the issue. It was not in my intention to tell him what to do with his blog space, but rather drawing the line. I was truly disgusted by his act in posting the pictures, and responding the way he did was not very pleasant either.
I knew I am not a big fan of (anonymous) negative comments, so I gave him the benefit of my identity. Unfortunately, he took advantage of this and left an unpleasant comment on my blog.
Anyway. Since that is over and done with, I will have nothing to do with him anymore. I have more things to worry about. Like work, for example. It’s been pretty rough, but I won’t go into detail.
Anyway! I meant to write about my new layout. Quite whimsical, isn’t it? :)
And I need to get my car to the car wash, but it’s been raining every other day, and I really don’t want the wash to go to waste. Thing is, Putih is getting to be really dirty, and I don’t want the dirt to be a permanent fixture on her. Help! :(
Didn’t quite have a pleasant day today. Then again, I shouldn’t expect much on a Monday.
I’m thinking that it started yesterday.. I think I was expecting too much of the gathering at my aunt’s open house in KB, that I ended up disappointed. It didn’t help that it was raining early yesterday morning either. It made driving a pain.
As we left the house to KB, my mom informed me of the ‘bump’ that had happened when she brought my car to her office’s Raya celebration the night before. It was forgotten until we reached our aunt’s house, and up until we were packing up to go to our cousin’s house in Pandan. That was when I saw it. It was the same spot where I was hit the other day, and the paint was not chipped, it actually peeled.
I know this might sound really materialistic of me, but when you pay so much per month for a piece of metal, it had annoyed me. I understood that it was an accident, but it just annoyed me.
And then driving back was a bit difficult, as the highway was not lit, and I (as well as the other drivers, I imagine) had to depend on the red strips that illuminates when your headlights hit them. That proved to be rather confusing for me as I was going fast.
When we arrived home, it all went downhill. Things just didn’t go my way, even when I tried to be so optimistic.
It carried on to today, even after watching the funny Budi videos on YouTube. It just went on, and on, and on. Hopefully, I’ll have a good night’s sleep and wake up to a nice Tuesday morning.
Off to finish watching The Amazing Race now. :waiting:
The strangest thing has happened. The boyfriend and I were talking about the preview of the upcoming Monk season finale (unsure of which season), and it was primarily because of Monk’s ‘death’. (I ended up Googling it because both of us couldn’t be bothered to watch it at such an hour.)
I was checking out for a video, actually, but it came up with different Monk season finales. One of them gave a link to a Yahoo! video, and I was just looking around to see if it was the right one.
At home, I am automatically logged into my Yahoo! account, which I rarely use since GMail existed, so it was natural to be greeted with “Hi (insert Yahoo! username here.)” Here’s the strange bit: In the comments section it says, “You will be seen as (insert the boyfriend’s name here.)” Yes, my boyfriend’s name was where my name should have been!
That is just really, really strange, don’t you think? I had it print-screened and sent it over to him, and both of us couldn’t believe our eyes. He thinks it’s somewhat cool. It’s actually freaking me out a bit.
Is someone playing a prank on me? :(
I was just doing my daily round of evening blog-hopping, and read Shasha’s interesting post. She talks about one of the courses she had attended in KL, and was asked to list the 3 defining moments in our lives. When I reached that sentence in her post, my mind immediately snapped to my own 3 defining moments in my life.
Funnily enough, one of them is somewhat similar to hers: The computer. It was given to me by my late dad when I had passed my PCE with flying colours (even though I had cried because I didn’t get the 5 A’s I wanted — overachiever! Haha.)
It was early 1997, and I didn’t have Internet along with the desktop, but I loved it. Looking back now, I don’t know why. I think it was because my dad actually trusted me enough to dismantle the whole thing just to see how things were inside and then put it back together. I had that rush like I knew what I was doing and it came naturally. (Now that I think about it, it’s all really ridiculous.)
But I was 12-going-on-13, so that thought was all I had.
I didn’t use the computer straight away. My dad was furthering his studies and he was using it first. I didn’t mind, because back then, all I could think of was, “I HAD A COMPUTER! I AM SO COOL!” Haha. From that moment on forth, I had wanted to take up Computer Studies. Back then, I didn’t even know what “IT” stands for! Haha.
Unfortunately, I had been persuaded (by people who will remain anonymous) to take up something else rather than Computer Studies because I didn’t have the basics as they told me, and I played along up until I finished sixth form. I didn’t do well, but I had options open, and one of the best options in my life, it was: ITB.
I finally had the chance to do what I had wanted! (I even applied for a lower qualification in UBD just so when I get accepted into ITB, they won’t make me feel bad for turning down UBD.) Fast forward to the present, here I am now. In the IT profession, and I couldn’t see myself doing anything else! Never better, never happier! :D
Phew. That’s just one! Two more to go! Stay tuned!
Been listening to this in my car, and this about sums up a significant chunk of my life.
Adakah seseorang yang melepaskanku dari kesepian ini?
Individually, my family’s usual brand of toothbrush costs B$1.50. The ‘Buy 2 Free 1′ pack, of the same brand and same model/type, costs B$6.10. So we put the latter back on the shelf and bought 4 toothbrushes in individual packaging. Total cost? B$6.
Yeah, go figure.
I had a hard time getting out of bed today. Really had a long day yesterday. (Will update about it if I’m not too lazy.)
Right now, I’m left with a headache. Sakit bah kepalaku. With a hint of dizziness. I ate breakfast today, so it can’t be lack of sugar or anything nutritional. Just thinking about it is making me want to hurl.
Anyway. I redeemed my HSBC credit card points for B$20 Excapade Sushi voucher. YEAY. Going out with Mumtaz and Hermi later to spend it on something scrumptious.
If only I can get rid of this headache.
I miss my boyfriend.